For parents, understanding and responding to their child's emotions can be one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. It can be difficult to know how best to react when your child expresses anger or anxiety. One parent told us about a situation where her 8-year-old son got extremely angry because he was not allowed to go with his friends on a weekend outing. She said that she was initially taken aback by his outburst but eventually managed to talk him through it and help him express his feelings in a healthier way. By doing so, she was able to ultimately resolve the issue and strengthen her bond with her son. As this story illustrates, understanding and responding to our children’s emotions is an important part of parenting which requires patience, empathy, and an understanding of what triggers these emotions. In this blog, we will discuss strategies for responding to anger and anxiety in kids so that parents can better handle similar situations.

Why do some children express anxiety as anger?

Anxiety is often misunderstood and viewed as a sign of weakness. But it's actually a protective instinct; an alarm system telling the brain that something may be wrong. It's like a smoke alarm - no matter what the cause of the smoke, it's alerting you to take action and stay safe. Similarly, when our brains perceive a threat, they can act without any real danger present. This could include reactions to unfamiliar situations or people, perceived criticism, disappointment, or failure - anything which triggers the feeling that something bad may be about to happen.

But even though anxiety can feel overwhelming at times, it doesn't have to have a negative impact on your life. By understanding what anxiety is, and how it affects us psychologically, we can learn to recognize it, and use strategies to manage it.

Recognize Their Emotions

When your child says they're worried about something, it can be tempting to try and downplay their feelings. Telling them things like "There's nothing to worry about" or "It'll all be okay" sends a message that your child’s emotions are invalid. Instead, validate their feelings by acknowledging their concerns and showing support. For example, you could say something like "I understand how you feel, let's talk about it so we can come up with a plan." This will show your child that you respect their emotions and provide comfort in knowing that they have someone who cares for them.

No matter how you phrase it, always emphasize the idea that it is perfectly normal to experience fear or anxiety. At the same time, remind yourself and others that bravery is a choice - it's okay to be scared, but courage can be found in tackling difficult situations despite feeling afraid.

Distinguish Behavior from Feelings

Encourage children to name their emotions, such as anger, frustration, and disappointment. This helps them better understand their feelings and expresses them in a healthy way. For example, you could tell them: "It's normal to feel angry but it's not okay to throw things."

Sometimes, aggressive behavior is the result of difficult emotions like sadness or embarrassment. That's why it's important to help your kids understand the reason for their anger. It could be that they're feeling sad about something being canceled, but expressing themselves in anger provides a more comfortable outlet to mask the hurt they're going through. Through open communication and time, children can learn how to better identify and handle their emotions

Create Anger Rules

Creating household rules to establish expectations when it comes to anger can be an important tool for families. Such rules should focus on respect and should address behaviors such as physical aggression, name-calling, and destruction of property. This is essential in order for your children to understand that their angry feelings should not lead them to throw things, break things, or lash out verbally or physically. By having these clear guidelines in place before difficult emotions arise, you are helping your children better manage their anger in a respectful way.

Breathe as you've never breathed before

Strong deep breaths can be incredibly calming in moments of anxiety or anger. But it's not always easy when our brain is preoccupied with keeping us safe. When the amygdala senses danger, it can shut down higher-level thinking and focus solely on survival - so we need to learn how to take control. Doing this effectively will involve engaging the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain responsible for rational thought and problem-solving. By learning how to manage our breathing in times of stress, we are better able to access the power of the prefrontal cortex and make decisions that keep us safe without compromising our mental health. So let's explore why strong deep breathing works as well as some special techniques for getting your breath just right.

Help Them Switch Channels

If your child is feeling anxious about situations they can't control, like worrying that it might rain tomorrow and cause a baseball game to be canceled, help them refocus their thoughts. Ask your child: "What do you think would happen if this thing you're worried about doesn't come true?" or "What are some other possibilities that could occur instead?" This will help them recognize that there are other solutions and help them figure out a plan in case the worst-case scenario does happen

When it comes to worries that are out of their control, like the weather or someone else’s behavior, it’s important to remind your child that the only thing they can control is how they respond. Have a conversation with them about how they could make the best out of a bad situation and what strategies they might employ if somebody were being unkind.

To help switch their focus away from worrying, suggest some activities that get them moving and involved with something else. Working on a chore, going for a jog outside, or playing an engaging game are all great ways to take their minds off any anxieties. This will also distract them from indulging in negative thought patterns and allow them to shift back into more positive and productive states.

It’s perfectly normal for kids to struggle with managing their emotions, particularly when it comes to anger and anxiety. However, with a few strategies in place, parents can help their children learn how to express themselves appropriately and healthily. By providing comfort and reassurance, validating your child's feelings, understanding why they might be feeling angry or anxious, and setting appropriate boundaries for behavior, you can help your child develop better emotional regulation skills.

If you feel like you need more support in helping your child understand and manage their emotions better, sign up to our mailing list today or follow us on social media here: Go on, you know you want to! https://linktr.ee/ottotheoctopus.

Together let’s better equip our children so that they are emotionally well-adjusted individuals!