We all experience a range of emotions in our lives, and this is especially true for children. Is your child struggling to keep their emotions in check? Do they resort to physical or verbal aggression when feeling angry? It can get really bad really quickly, behavior like fighting, biting, or spitting can become a regular thing, and while all children go through phases, how we react as adults can determine the length and complexity.

Does your child’s temper flare up quickly and easily? If so, you’re not alone. Many parents have had similar experiences and are looking for ways to help their children better manage their feelings. As parents, it's important to understand how to help guide kids when they feel overwhelmed with anger or sadness.

One strategy I like to share with my daughter is the power of deep breathing. Taking just a few moments of focused concentration on her breath helps her recenter herself during times of stress or anger. This strategy has helped my daughter better understand why she feels angry or upset and how to respond in healthier ways.

Let's explore more tips on how we can help them do just that. With the right guidance and support, kids can learn how to harness their anger and feelings in healthier ways.

Signs of Possible Anger Issues in a Child

Biting, yelling, hitting, and arguing are all too common behaviors for children that struggle with anger. However, not all children express their anger with outbursts - many keep intense feelings bottled up. Unacknowledged negative emotions can lead to anxiety and depression if left unchecked. If your child is exhibiting signs of trouble managing their emotions, the first step is to be aware of the issue. Identifying this behavior is key to helping your child learn how to control and channel it in a more productive way. These are some of the key things to watch out for because they point towards a high state of stress and potentially anxiety in a children:

• They may not respond to the emotions of other people or even animals and pets in ways they normally would.
• When kids are feeling overwhelmed with frustration or sadness, it can be difficult for them to stay calm and contain their emotions
• Real talk, I still struggle with this as an adult!
• They might start acting in an irresponsible manner.
• They are kids though, so depending on their age and character, they may just be being a kid and acting their age! I always try to judge based on their long term character. .
• Acting out in a violent or disruptive manner, such as by striking or kicking another person, or by shouting, spitting, cursing, or using another abusive language.
• They may start having increasing difficulty returning to normal (or baseline behavior) after experiencing a highly emotional event.
• This does not have to be something big, to a toddler having their toys taken away is really emotional! To a 9 year old, having to do more homework than normal can trigger a high stress, cortisol state in their brain.
• A child discusses, writes, or creates drawings that are violent or depict violent acts.
• Fails to take ownership of his aggressive behavior, instead preferring to shift the blame onto others.
• Constant fits of rage, even at the slightest thing.
  

If your child is exhibiting signs of anger, it's important to pay close attention and track their behavior. Mark the frequency on a calendar; noting the time and place where they become agitated could help you uncover any underlying patterns. By doing this, you can take proactive steps to better help and support them to manage their anger. Additionally, remember that these issues will almost always have other causes than anger alone - so watch for any changes in attitude or behavior.

Real talk though, if your kid(s) are younger this will be easier to do and you can do it more discreetly. If your kids are older, you can and should talk to them openly and honestly about why you are keeping track of it and explain to them before you start doing it, that you want to do so. If a 13 year old finds out about your secret ‘child’s emotional support journal’… oooh there will be trouble!

The main thing you want to achieve is building a supportive environment to help your child handle anger more appropriately. To do this, they must learn alternative behaviors to relieve the pent-up energy and replace their current unhealthy strategies. Encouraging your child to practice deep breathing techniques or yoga can help them manage their emotions in a healthy way. Listening to quiet music in a dark room is also an effective tool for teenagers to relax and take some time for themselves.

See mom I was doing something productive when I was listening to rock music in my room! We just never realized it! On a more serious note though, it is important to not be prescriptive with the methods, especially for older children. I would have hated my mom to try and get me to try Yoga as a teenager… now I love it! Likewise the deep breathing method never worked for me as a child, as an adult it's highly effective though! I needed to find my own way… which I did! So often our role as parents will just be to support the child to find their own coping methods and reinforce their good behavior with attention, respect and love.

It's important to help your child learn how to take control of their temper and emotions. Depending on the individual, different approaches may work better than others. It is best to use a trial-and-error method by teaching strategies and then observing your child's reaction. When you find one that seems to "click" with your kid, focus on repeating it until it becomes a habit and they can use it independently. This process requires dedication and patience as you are attempting to modify existing behavior; stay committed and encourage them along the way. Whatever strategy works best for your family, it's important to ensure that kids have ways of managing their feelings in a positive manner.

Helping Your Child Manage Strong Emotions To Promote Wellness

1. Envision a serene place

When your kid starts to feel overwhelmed by their emotions, ask them to think of a place that they find calming. It could be somewhere as simple as the beach, their bedroom, their grandpa's backyard, or even a treehouse. Encourage them to close their eyes and imagine this spot while taking slow breaths. You could also make it more concrete by taking a photograph of this "calm place" and displaying it near the child's bed. This way they have a visual reminder when they need it.

1. Visit a peaceful area

This works best with younger children, help your youngster gain control by creating a calming environment. Invite them to collect their favorite items such as music, books, and writing materials and use this space to relax and refocus when they feel overwhelmed. Suggest taking some deep breaths and offering words of reassurance that everything will be alright on time. Providing an area that is reflective of their interests may help them better manage their emotions during heated moments.

1. Teach: "Pause and take a deep breath"

Teach your child to take deep breaths when they are feeling overwhelmed or angry. Ask them to inhale slowly, counting up to five, and then pause for two counts before exhaling, also counting up to five. Doing this repeatedly will not only help them relax but can also prevent their negative emotions from escalating into anger.

1. Create a word that can convey emotions.

Many children may feel overwhelmed with feelings of anger or frustration but lack the vocabulary to express them in a constructive manner. To help, parents can introduce emotional words that kids can use to describe their feelings such as angry, upset, mad, frustrated, agitated, and more. Encourage your child to ‘talk out’ his or her emotions rather than resorting to aggression such as kicking, screaming, hitting, or biting. Don't discipline them for expressing themselves in this way; it's an important step towards learning how to handle their intense emotions healthily. Instead of punishing the child, focus instead on rewarding them for the good behavior and, when they are calmer, talking to them about why you don’t want them to behave as they were previously.

This was SO HARD! I can’t tell you how often I had to bite my tongue and not rage back… but it worked… eventually. The hardest part about this for me was containing my own emotions and anger at their behavior. I found it immeasurably hard to explain to them why I didn’t want them throwing carrots at the computer or smashing their shoes against the washing machine. I just wanted to yell ‘STOP IT YOU….’ but I managed and you can too!

1. Note it down

Kids can learn to manage their anger in healthier ways. Providing a journal and pen or paper and encouraging them to go somewhere calm to write can be effective. Writing a letter to the person they are upset with is another option, but don’t send it! It's important for children to understand the importance of managing their emotions in order to grow up in a sometimes violent and unpredictable world - not only will this make them far more enjoyable to be around, but it also helps to create a more peaceful home. Parents must stay consistent when teaching kids how to handle their temper so that positive results can be achieved. When doing this, it's best for parents themselves to remain composed as well.  The ultimate goal is to equip children with the tools they need to process and manage their emotions effectively. This needs to be done both through telling them and through showing them with your own behavior.

No more do as I say, not as I do… this was a hard pill for me to swallow I don’t mind telling you!

1. Get the emotions out of you

When a child is feeling angry, it's important to help them find ways to channel their emotions in healthy and safe ways. Activities like pounding clay, hitting a pillow, shooting hoops, or punching a punching bag can be helpful outlets for anger. However, caution should be taken as research indicates that this strategy may increase impulsivity. Therefore, it is best only used when you observe a decrease in your child’s anger levels. Encourage the use of these techniques to help your kid manage their feelings.

This was the go to technique when I was growing up… which used to irritate me a LOT! ‘How can I go outside and kick a ball in the middle of class mom? I am not allowed!’ So happy that we have evolved our understanding and now the research shows how important it is to not have this technique as the ‘first line of defense’ but rather as the last stage of the return to normal.

1. Tell yourself positive things

When your child is feeling overwhelmed, help them to focus on a positive phrase they can say to themselves. For instance, they could remind themselves that it's okay to feel their emotions and that it's only temporary. Encourage them to take a few deep breaths and repeat a reassuring statement like ", I’m okay, I'm safe, I’m loved" or "This won't last forever". By repeating these simple phrases during times of stress or anger, kids can learn how to handle their emotions in a healthy way.

Props go to Mel Robinson for this one. I first came across it in her books on Audible. I do it every day when I wake up. I simply place my hand over my heart and repeat the mantra ‘I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m loved’ to myself. It helps to reassure me and calm me down. Wholeheartedly recommend her books ‘the five second rule’ and ‘here’s exactly what to do’ . They have given me actionable suggestions and tips I use almost every day. Thank you Mel Robinson!

1. Sketch it!

Some children find that art can help them to express their feelings and let out anger in a healthy way. Parents can encourage this by keeping an array of art supplies, such as markers, crayons, and a sketch pad, easily accessible for their kids. This can also be supplemented by having a spare drawing pad stored in the child's backpack so that they are able to use it whenever they need a release while outside of the house.

One Easy-to-Use Technique that Works Anywhere

It's crucial to equip kids with the skills they need to manage their anger, anxiety, and stress. Taking calming breaths and counting are two great ways to help manage emotions. For those times when a child is starting to become overwhelmed, anxious, or even angry this technique might be helpful. This simple strategy can be used as a way to reset and lessen the possibility of an outburst or tantrum. Before using this approach, it's important to keep in mind that once emotions have taken over, this won't work. The goal is to use this coping mechanism beforehand in order to prevent emotional overload from happening.

This strategy for managing emotions and regulating anger is a simple yet effective one. It's a great way to teach kids how to cope with intense feelings such as anger, stress, and anxiety. This technique can be easily remembered using the numbers 3-10-1-10: Here's an overview of how it works:

1. Simply close your eyes.
2. Take three long, calm breaths, inhaling through your nose and expelling through your mouth.
3. After that, take your time and slowly count up to ten.
4. When you reach the number ten, take a second deep breath and rest for a few seconds before starting the count again.
5. Beginning with 10, proceed to count backward slowly.
6. Open up your eyes.
   

Doing this helps kids regain control over their feelings and stops the anger or sadness from taking over. For younger children, you can also suggest DRAGON BREATHS: they should imagine blowing out all the angry energy just like a dragon!

When it comes to helping children manage their anger and emotions, it's important to remember that everyone learns differently and finding age-appropriate strategies can be immensely helpful in achieving positive results. By understanding and listening to your child, you can help them Tips for Kids to Harness Their Anger and Feelings

find the best ways to express themselves while fostering an environment of emotional growth and wellbeing.No matter the age of your child, it's essential to remember that being loving and patient in moments when you are overwhelmed and they are overwhelmed provides a safe space for your child to learn how to express their feelings and emotions. With the right support and guidance, children can grow into healthy, strong individuals who feel capable of navigating life's challenges with confidence.

I always have to remind myself, I am the adult. I hope that this article has helped you in some small way. Thank you so much for reading it! If it's been helpful, please let me know on Twitter or Instagram @ottotheoctpus_. I would love you to join our mailing list. We send out regular blog posts and updates all the time and even give away free books and games for you and your kids to play together!