Phrases to Scratch from Your Parenting Vocabulary: How Negative Language Impacts Your Child's Development

As parents, we all strive to be the best role models for our children. We aim to raise confident, well-rounded individuals who are capable of handling challenges and making good choices. However, sometimes our choice of words can have a negative impact on our children's emotional development. In this blog post, we will discuss phrases that should be scratched from your parenting vocabulary.

"Because I said so"

This phrase is often used when a child asks "why" about a certain rule or request. While it might be tempting to use this phrase to shut down a discussion, it can be harmful to your child's development. Children need to understand the reasoning behind rules and requests to learn from them. Instead of saying "because I said so," take the time to explain why you're making a certain request or setting a certain rule. This can help your child develop critical thinking skills and learn to make informed decisions.

For instance, if your child asks why they have to brush their teeth before bed, you can explain to them that brushing teeth removes the germs and bacteria that cause cavities and bad breath. By providing this explanation, you help your child understand why brushing their teeth is important for their health, and they are more likely to remember to do it in the future.

"You're so (negative trait)"

Using negative labels to describe your child can be damaging to their self-esteem. For example, saying "you're so lazy" can make a child feel like they're inherently lazy and can't change their behavior. Instead, focus on the behavior you want to change. For example, instead of saying "you're so lazy," say "I noticed you haven't done your chores yet. Can you please do them now?" This approach helps your child understand that their behavior is what needs to change, rather than their personality.

Negative labels can have long-term effects on your child's self-image and confidence. Your child may start to believe that they are truly lazy or stupid, even if it's not true. This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where they start to behave in ways that reinforce these negative labels. By focusing on the behavior you want to change, you help your child understand that they have control over their actions and can improve their behavior.

"Big Boys/Girls don't cry"

This phrase can be particularly harmful to boys, as it reinforces harmful gender stereotypes. Allowing children to express their emotions is important for their emotional development. Crying is a natural way to release emotions and can be a healthy way to cope with stress. Instead of telling your child not to cry, validate their emotions and help them find healthy ways to cope with their feelings.

For example, if your child is upset about something, you can say "I understand that you're feeling sad right now. It's okay to cry if you need to." By validating their emotions, you help your child feel heard and understood. You can also help them find healthy ways to cope with their feelings, such as talking to a trusted friend or family member, journaling, or engaging in physical activity.

"I'm disappointed in you"

As parents, we all want our children to make good choices and behave appropriately. When they don't meet our expectations, it's natural to feel disappointed. However, expressing disappointment in your child can be harmful to their emotional well-being.

When you say "I'm disappointed in you," you're communicating to your child that they've let you down. This can make them feel like they're not good enough or that they're a disappointment to you. Over time, this can damage their self-esteem and their relationship with you.

Instead of using this phrase, focus on the behavior you want to change. Help your child understand the impact of their actions and why it's important to make better choices. For example, instead of saying "I'm disappointed in you for getting a bad grade," you could say "let's work together to help you improve your grades. How can we make studying more enjoyable for you?"

This approach helps your child understand that you're not disappointed in them as a person, but rather in their behavior. It can also help them feel empowered to make positive changes and work towards their goals.

"Stop being dramatic"

Children experience a wide range of emotions, and it's important to validate their feelings and help them learn how to cope with them. When you tell your child to "stop being dramatic," you're invalidating their emotions and making them feel like their feelings aren't important or valid.

Instead of dismissing their emotions, take the time to listen and validate their feelings. Help them find healthy ways to cope with their emotions, such as talking about their feelings, taking a walk, or doing a relaxing activity. For example, if your child is upset because they didn't get invited to a party, you could say "I'm sorry you're feeling left out. That must be really hard. How can we help you feel better?"

By validating your child's emotions and helping them find healthy ways to cope, you're teaching them important emotional regulation skills that will serve them well throughout their life.

"I'll do it for you"

As parents, we want to help our children and make things easier for them. However, when we do everything for our children, we're robbing them of the opportunity to learn and develop important skills.

When you say "I'll do it for you," you're communicating to your child that they're not capable of doing things on their own. This can damage their self-esteem and make them feel like they're not competent or capable.

Instead of doing everything for your child, offer guidance and support. Help them learn how to do things for themselves, and be there to answer questions and provide assistance when needed. For example, if your child is struggling with a homework assignment, instead of doing it for them, you could say "let's work on this together. Can you explain to me how you're thinking about it?"

By offering guidance and support, you're teaching your child important problem-solving and critical thinking skills. You're also helping them develop confidence and independence, which will serve them well throughout their life. If you want more content like this, don't forget to check out @parenting.resilience .

In conclusion, the words we use as parents can have a profound impact on our children's emotional development. By eliminating phrases like "because I said so," "you're so (negative trait)," "big boys/girls don't cry," "I'm disappointed in you," "stop being dramatic," and "I'll do it for you" from our vocabulary, we can create a more positive and nurturing environment for our children. Remember, our words have a powerful impact on our children, so let's choose them carefully and help our children grow into confident, well-rounded individuals who are capable of handling life's challenges with grace and resilience.